This month’s post feels a bit different. Lately, there’s been a lot going on in my life with my business and personal relationships, I’ve been struggling sometimes to feel joy when it’s time to care for my plants.

And not just my plants, but this is a plant blog and I have over 100 plants. While they usually bring me so much love and happiness, these days the care seems to fall by the wayside, and the next time I get around to them I see them ailing. And I feel like a failure. Because they’re my children, all 100+. And what kind of mom lets her children die??

But what kind of mom hollows herself out until she’s empty so she can save her plants before herself? I’ve struggled so much on this. I still do. I can’t stand to watch them die or worsen because of me and my neglect. It eats at me every time I see them.

But should I give myself away?

No.

I’m starting, trying, to set boundaries with myself. I’m not perfect at it. Maybe I’m not even good. But hell, I’m trying.

When I walk by my bare Boston Fern I’ve started telling myself it’s okay, I can always try again. When I pass my FLF with brown spots I don’t go get the Fiskars to cut them out or immediately look up the causes (which I already know).

Typing this, staring at my increasingly bare croton across from me, I’m setting a boundary to not despair if she fails. Fuck, every plant I just mentioned is notoriously difficult and I’m not alone. Neither are you.

I can’t do everything. Sometimes I can’t do anything. When my plant has pythium rot, there’s nothing I can do.

It seems like all my plants are failing at once. But I went months without issues, maybe I was due for something. Either way, I’m beginning to allow myself to walk in peace.